I have been single for years upon years upon years. I constantly made excuses for it such as being busy in school, my career, living life and not wanting to be tied down, etc. I spent most of my 20’s fending off questions about why I was single or “when you get a boyfriend…blah blah blah.”
There was nothing that filled me more with anxiety than not checking off this imaginary box of being in a relationship, getting married and having a family. The reality for me was that I just wasn’t interested in it. I didn’t want to find that one person, dating was overwhelming and mostly seemed like a waste of time.
Friends would tell me you have to date a lot to find the one person or kiss a lot of frogs. Who wants to go around kissing a bunch of frogs? I sure didn’t.
In my 30’s as I got more comfortable with myself I realized I prefer to be alone. I prefer to sit in my house with my dog and cat, hang out and watch a movie. Or, if I’m going out, then going out with my best friend and having a good time. No pressure.
Dating was nothing but social anxiety for me.
I know there are other people out there like me, I’ve seen you on Instagram and TikTok. Thank you for putting yourself out there to not make me feel like an old maid or loser. It’s ok to not be in a relationship and choose not to have children.
I understand there are people that love being with someone and they respect and cherish each other. I think it’s wonderful, it’s just not something for me.
I love sitting in my townhome alone watching movies or TV shows. I can order food or cook something without having to acknowledge anyone else.
I also like being able to buy what I want without having to check in with someone else. I can make plans, buy a plane ticket, etc.
My house can get messy and I can clean it when I wish. There isn’t anyone else I have to pick up after or get grilled by anyone that asks me to pick up after myself. I do what I want when I want.
If I decide to change my lifestyle (eating healthier, meditation, yoga, etc) I can do this without having to worry about someone else. I know it’s difficult trying to eat healthier if you have kids or a significant other. I keep certain foods out of my house, but if I had a partner that brought them in, I’m not sure how well I’d manage.
I’m sure there are also a lot of good reasons to have someone around, but for me, personally, I enjoy spending time alone. In fact, when I’m with my family for too long I certainly notice myself go a little crazy and am happy when they leave. It doesn’t mean I don’t love them, it just means I need my alone time.
I’m a creature of habit and don’t like too much change unless I choose to make that change.
Being single is a lovely thing and a way to get to know yourself better. They say you can’t love someone else until you can love yourself. I think I can say that I do love myself even with all my flaws.
There are so many reasons to be single and we think we miss out on so much in life.
The reality is that you can do anything by yourself that you would do in a relationship.
A few things to consider doing alone:
Eating at a Restaurant by Yourself
I once vacationed in New York City and ate in Time Square all alone. I didn’t think much of it, but my friend was in awe of me. I sat next to the window, ordered a drink and people watched out the window, reviewed my photos of New York City on my phone. It’s not as scary as you think it might be.
Vacation by Yourself
You don’t need someone to go on vacation. Check on AJ’s article about Solo Travel.
This is one of the best activities to do by yourself. I love the silence of the great outdoors and going at my own pace. I can take breaks when I want and go off trail if I want to. The first year I decided to start hiking. Sometimes it was just too quiet and I was a little jumpy when I would run into the smaller wildlife – like a turtle or a bunny. No joke, I was uptight. However, after years I can camp alone in a tent and sleep like a baby.
If you are single or even in a relationship try some of these activities solo. It’ll give you a new take on life.